Famous Rejection Letters

Sometimes in life, even the most popular writers receive a rejection letter now and again; this rejection letter comes to the famous author of Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James.

Dear Ms. James:

We have reviewed your book and, well, we have some concerns regarding your story line. We believe that in the opening, Anastasia should NEVER have done that first interview with Christian Grey. We find it highly unlikely that Ana would have EVER gotten IN to see HIM personally, as most billionaires would have their press secretaries, or personnel department manager conduct them. We ALSO felt that Ana’s best friend Kate was being kind of an ASSHOLE by sending her, instead of herself in the FIRST place, who DOES something like that?

As your story continues, Christian, who is an UNROMANTIC bastard, asks Ana out on a date and gets to know her a little better. Ana is love struck, and can’t BELIEVE that a wealthy self-made billionaire would have anything to do with her, a plain looking girl from Vancouver Washington. Honestly, WE couldn’t either. We think that you should have Kate as the lead character, and Ana play her wheel-woman.

While Ana WANTS a romantic relationship with Christian, he freely admits HE only wants HER for sex. He takes her to his ‘red room of pleasure’; a room filled with BDSM toys, and shows her HOW he wants her to experience HIS sexual appetite.

OK, Ms. James, SERIOUSLY??? The first thing MOST women would do is run the HELL out of there faster than a hare in a jackrabbit race. But Noooooooo, Ana actually considers it. We feel this is WAY beyond the scope of what ‘NORMAL’ people would do, and feel that you should change the BDSM section to let’s say a LIGHTER state of affair. Instead of whips, chains, and riding crops, you could display Dildos, Ass beads, and an assortment of pretty Vibrators.

These items, women can RELATE to much easier as opposed to being tied up, spanked, and then tickled with a feather before being sexually pummeled. At the very LEAST, Christian could give her some Ice-Cream afterwards, Geez…

I’m afraid your book would NEVER sell, we are sorry, but at this time must decline your offer. If you wish to re-work the storyline as we have suggested, please re-submit it for further review. Thank you.

The Christian Monitor

 

Adult Sex Survey Answers From Sooz–No One Under 18 Admitted–

 

I’ll be honest…I was a little drunk when I thought of this BUT…I still thought it would be fun…I will give you MY answers to these tomorrow. REALLY…I WILL…

 
If you answer TRUTHFULLY…I may just send this out to a couple thousand people and then write a book…So….Let’s see what ya got people…DON’T BE BASHFUL NOW……..

1.   Do you like sex?—More than I can express….Well in WORDS anyway…

 
2.   On a scale of 1-10, how MUCH do you like sex?—52

 
3.   How many times a day do you THINK about sex OR ABOUT something sexy? I am ALWAYS thinking about sex even when sleeping….

4.   How many times a day do you Masturbate?–6-8

 
5.   Have you ever had a Threesome?–Many times….Yummy…

 
6.   Would you LIKE to have a threesome? My number is 1-800-555-3754…*SMILES*

7.   Do you like having sex better totally sober OR a little drunk?–Drunk–

 
8.   Ever had sex in a car?…In a bar…In a jar??? Sorry, Dr. Seuss taking over there for a minute…NOT in a Jar BUT pretty much EVERYWHERE else you can think of…

9.   Do you like taking your partners clothes off?–Ohhhh Yeahhhhhhhh…..

 
10.  Have you ever worn your partners Panties, Boxers, Bra’s etc?–If they want me to SURE….

 
11.  Have you ever role played while having sex?–Yes–I LOVE to be the school girl….*DEMURE SMILE*

 
12.  Do you like it…Slow and Easy….Rough and tumble…Or DEPENDS?–Depends on my mood….Both actually…

 
13.  Do you have any fetishes? Shoes, Water Sports, Bondage?–Let’s just say You name a fetish, good chance I HAVE it…

 
14.  How many times a week do you have sex? ***DON’T LIE***–Minimum 42…

 
15.  Do you like giving/receiving blow jobs?–I Lovvvve Giving Blow Jobs–

 
16.  Have you ever had sex in a public place…Park…Elevator…Neighbors Water Fountain? If so…WHERE?–Park-YES,Elevator-YES,Bus-Yes,Train,YES,plane YES…ETC…ETC…

17.  Have you ever watched someone else having sex BESIDES TV OR MOVIES? I’m talking LIVE here baby…Hehehe…YES….VERY SEXY…

18.   Do you use sex toys while making love with your partner?–YES–

 
19.   Do you enjoy sex on the spur of the moment or like to plan your love making?…Baby, I like sex ANY FUCKING time…(Except 4 AM)

20.  Would you rather have your partner be tall dark and handsome, beautiful as a model or Funny?–YES….Funny if I HAD to Choose…

21.  Have you ever tried anal sex?–YES…Love it…

 
22.  Would you consider trying anal sex?

 
23.  What is your favorite sex position?–You NAME a position, THAT’s my FAVORITE…

 
24.  How many times a week would you LIKE to have sex?–As OFTEN as possible…

 
25.  Describe your ULTIMATE sex partner either male or female?…Male–Fit and able with a pulse…Female…Fit and able with a pulse…*SMILES*

 

26.  How many partners have you had: 1-10……10-20….20-30…., OR more?–WELL over 1000…

 

27.  Have you ever had sex while driving a car?–YES—Who HASN’T?

 

28.  Do you prefer oral sex or intercourse? Dosen’t Matter…Both Preferably.

 

29.  Do you have a favorite time of day or night you enjoy having sex?–BOTH–

 

30.  Have you ever had a one night stand?–ALL THE TIME—

 

ANY QUESTIONS???

Adult Sex Survey–No one under 18 Admitted–

I’ll be honest…I was a little drunk when I thought of this BUT…I still thought it would be fun…I will give you MY answers to these tomorrow. REALLY…I WILL…

If you answer TRUTHFULLY…I may just send this out to a couple thousand people and then write a book…So….Let’s see what ya got people…DON’T BE BASHFUL NOW……..

1.   Do you like sex?

2.   On a scale of 1-10, how MUCH do you like sex?

3.   How many times a day do you THINK about sex OR ABOUT something sexy?

4.   How many times a day do you Masturbate?

5.   Have you ever had a Threesome?

6.   Would you LIKE to have a threesome? My number is 1-800-555-3754…*SMILES*

7.   Do you like having sex better totally sober OR a little drunk?

8.   Ever had sex in a car?…In a bar…In a jar??? Sorry, Dr. Seuss taking over there for a minute…

9.   Do you like taking your partners clothes off?

10.  Have you ever worn your partners Panties, Boxers, Bra’s etc?

11.  Have you ever role played while having sex?

12.  Do you like it…Slow and Easy….Rough and tumble…Or DEPENDS?

13.  Do you have any fetishes? Shoes, Water Sports, Bondage?

14.  How many times a week do you have sex? ***DON’T LIE***

15.  Do you like giving/receiving blow jobs?

16.  Have you ever had sex in a public place…Park…Elevator…Neighbors Water Fountain? If so…WHERE?

17.  Have you ever watched someone else having sex BESIDES TV OR MOVIES? I’m talking LIVE here baby…Hehehe..

18.   Do you use sex toys while making love with your partner?

19.   Do you enjoy sex on the spur of the moment or like to plan your love making?

20.  Would you rather have your partner be tall dark and handsome, beautiful as a model or Funny?

21.  Have you ever tried anal sex?

22.  Would you consider trying anal sex?

23.  What is your favorite sex position?

24.  How many times a week would you LIKE to have sex?

25.  Describe your ULTIMATE sex partner either male or female…

26.  How many partners have you had: 1-10……10-20….20-30…., OR more?

27.  Have you ever had sex while driving a car?

28.  Do you prefer oral sex or intercourse?

29.  Do you have a favorite time of day or night you enjoy having sex?

30.  Have you ever had a one night stand?

 

Just Ask Sooz—Adult Content_—

Dear Sooz:

I am embarrassed to write you about this because I am somewhat prudish. My boyfriend is “Very Sexually Oriented”. He loves sex in all different positions and he especially loves blow jobs. I have always been used to the Missionary position and haven’t really been too creative in the sack.

He continually wants me to try anal sex and will always request that I give him a blow job. I am uncomfortable about anal sex due to the pain and I also have a very low gag reflex. I am afraid however that he will leave me if I don’t comply.

Am I being too rigid here? Do you feel that I am wrong in my thinking? What would you recommend I do to keep us BOTH happy?

Prudish Penny

 

Dear Prudish Penny:

Sex is an important thing to pretty much ALL men. I am lucky because I am a very adventurous woman and LOVE any kind of sex. I have heard from many women and it’s about 50/50 on anal sex, some love it and others think it is very uncomfortable. Blow Jobs, however, are something that MOST men want and is something that I recommend that you practice to get better at performing.

AT first you may have to have a couple drinks ahead of time to get a little loose. I have found that being a little tipsy makes it easier if you have a low gag reflex. Start taking a little bit of his cock in your mouth at a time. Then, take a little more and a little more until you can take ALL of him.

Concentrate heavily on his testicles at first as this will add to his pleasure. After a little practice, you will become a lot more comfortable with it and your boyfriend will also have a big smile on HIS face.

A far as Anal sex, if you both decide to try it, make sure that you are WELL lubricated. Poppers also help make it feel a LOT better. You can find them in any sexual toy shop.

I wish you much success in this and remember…Practice really DOES make perfect…Good luck…